Hello love,
It was Wednesday afternoon, and I had a complete meltdown. Alex, my husband, had just been grocery shopping and spent more than I had expected.
I spiralled.
Being self-employed, you know what it’s like. Money worries are probably the biggest triggers for our nervous system, to the point that many of us choose to avoid the topic altogether.
Even more so with the cost of living going higher and higher.
But this time it wasn’t really about the money.
It was about feeling trapped.
About being exhausted, about showing up anyway and getting results greater than I had imagined, and still, it not being enough for me not to have to worry about the grocery bill.
Normally, when I notice an income gap, I look for solutions: What can I promote? Who might need my help? Who could give me a reference?
But looking at my very full calendar, that was obviously not an option.
And if there are no options, then what choice do I have but to endure?
I spent the rest of the afternoon in a stormy mood, ready to snap at anyone crossing my path.
I knew I was dysregulated and that I had to do something about it, but when you’re that far into fight or flight, you can’t exactly breathe yourself back to center.
“Co-regulation,” my mind shouted, quoting the training I followed on the nervous system.
So I went to Alex and asked for his compassionate ear. “Could you just listen to me and show me that you understand?”
That’s all it took.
I told him how I was feeling. He validated, acknowledged my struggle, and made me feel seen. I cried, and then we came up with a plan.
The modern world puts extreme emphasis on the self.
How to be self-reliant. How to love yourself first, have self-agency, self-leadership, self-regulation.
And it matters to learn to be happy in your own presence, develop the capacity to soothe yourself, and grow resilient.
But human beings are deeply social creatures. We need each other.
We need to be seen. We need to be understood. We need to voice our needs so they can be met by people who care about us. We need to tap into the perspectives we don’t have. The perspectives of people outside our own heads and outside the emotional entanglement of our own situations.
It doesn’t make us weak or needy. It makes us human. It makes us smarter.
So, repeat after me. “I don’t have to carry it all alone.”
And if you’re wondering about that plan, here’s what I’m implementing this week:
- Ditching a side gig that is eating my time and not paying enough.
- Accepting the temporary lower income and balancing it with less childcare.
- Taking Fridays off to protect my general well-being.
Because less is actually more.
Power and light,
Jessica
P.S.: In the next few days, I’ll be opening doors to a new program I created to help you write or rewrite your welcome sequence. It’s called Welcome Them Home. Can’t wait to tell you more!
Power and light,
Jessica